A popular perfume advertised itself as “the 8-hour perfume for your 24-hour woman.” The commercial aired in the late 1970s and early 1980s. The accompanying song touted all the things a woman could do while keeping her man happy. Any woman who wore this perfume was portrayed as a superwoman. At least, that is what we thought. As teenagers, we loved this commercial and wanted the perfume. It made us think we could conquer the world and attract prince charming at the same time.
Now older and wiser, I interpret the song and the tag line differently. I think it says that women can go into the workforce if they want, however, they are still expected to take care of the home and their husbands. Wow, my next thought is “damn” the perfume quits before we can.
Filling in the Gaps
Working women continue to bear more responsibility for the home than their male counterparts. We are traditionally expected to be on and ready 24 hours a day to answer questions and solve problems. For example, have you had to answer the following questions or address the situations?
Where is my blue shirt?
Do you know where my favorite socks are?
I need money for the field trip and dad left already.
Did you sign my agenda?
Women who work outside of the home must meet the demands of their employers for at least 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Their families, however, expect them to be available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days of the year. Some must also meet the expectations of extended family 24 hours a day.
I was too young to actively participate in the women’s liberation movement of the 1970s. This post is not an indictment on the movement or the outcome. I am the beneficiary of the work of older women who desired to be viewed as independent individuals. While women’s rights progressed, roles and expectations that others have of women, have not progressed as much.
We experience a great deal of pressure managing the expectations of our roles. For example:
Women are expected to take care of the home
Working outside of the home does not preclude us from being responsible for making sure the house is clean and uncluttered. The feeling of embarrassment is profound when unexpected visitors see your living space is cluttered. My neighbor, who recently retired, told me years ago to stop apologizing for clutter. She said, “Your home is lived in; your daughters are young, and visitors get what they get. They are the ones who drop in unannounced.”
I was relieved to hear that, but who wants to be judged by others? The woman bares the responsibility and tends to be the one who apologizes for the mess.
Women are expected to lead in the role of raising children
Who does your child’s school call when they are sick? Does the teacher reach out to you first if your child misbehaves in class? Who is expected to attend parent teacher conferences? Working women are expected to be the primary caregiver of their children. My husband and I agreed to attend all conferences together. We wanted to communicate a message to the school that we share the responsibility of raising our children.
Women are expected to care for aging parents
In the movie On the Basis of Sex, we learned that at one time, caregiver tax laws were skewed to favor women who were caregivers. Males were not recognized as caregivers which created a bias related to the tax code.
Working women face many challenges as their parents age. They take on the responsibility of caring for their well-being. This may mean that she prepares the parents’ medication for the week, placing the necessary pills in the correct pill box compartment. It could also mean that she prepares home cooked meals. Her parents only must heat and eat.
Caring for aging parents also may mean that the working woman must manage her parent’s financial affairs. She may pay monthly bills or hire workers to make repairs. All these activities add to the stress a working woman feels. If the woman has brothers, the expectation is that she will still bear the responsibility.
How does one manage the stress and the expectations?
We will launch a new free support for working women who are approaching burnout. It is called Take the “ISH” Out of Selfish and Put Self First. This support will be available in November. It guides working women to create space for their own self-care and stress relief.
Take a sneak peak of one of the segments. Follow the link to our services page. You may view the segment and sign up to receive more information.
“I want to be happy, whole, satisfied and successful. What about you?”
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