Many of the working women I talk to have a common method for managing their stress. They plan to do something relaxing at some point when they have time. That was mine plan for a long time. Unfortunately, this plan fails for several reasons.
First, something always comes up. Companions, children, and aging parents have needs that require the attention of their wife, mom, or adult daughter. Second, friends plan a night out. Nights out are not always as relaxing as they are intended to be. Finally, the working woman believes that she no longer needs relief because the intense stress feelings have subsided.
We learn to live with high levels of stress because the way we feel has become the norm. Think about how your shoulders and neck feel after sitting at your desk all day. You probably do not recognize the tension until you attempt to sit up straight or turn your head from side to side. You find that your shoulders and neck hurt and are too tight to move comfortably. I have been told things like “I don’t know how to relax.”
An effective approach to stress management contains three elements. I will outline those elements below.
Self-awareness
The first element of an effective stress management plan is self-awareness. A working woman can best address her stress management needs when she becomes more aware of her own physical signs of stress.
Women should assess themselves to gain an understanding of how their body feels when experiencing stress. Stress is a physical response to an unspecified stimulus or change. Any demand that is made upon the body initiates the stress response. The stress response is the “fight or flight” response we learned about in second or third grade. The body provides noticeable signs that the stress response is active.
When the stress response is activated, the heart pumps faster and harder. The heart pumps higher volumes of blood. Blood pressure increases. Women who have been diagnosed with hypertension should pay attention to their blood pressure, especially when experiencing greater levels of stress. Saliva in the mouth decreases. This is the reason a woman who is fearful of public speaking gets a dry mouth. Stress may also cause stomach upsets, nausea, constipation, or diarrhea.
Muscles begin to tense as if getting ready to fight or to run. They are more prone to pulls and tears. We perspire more when the stress response is active. The skin also becomes cold and clammy. Fingers and toes may feel colder than usual.
Strategize
The second element is to have a strategy that initiates the relaxation response. The relaxation response is defined as “an inducible physiologic, state of quietude” by Herbert Benson M.D. Dr. Benson developed the process in the 1970s and published his findings in The Relaxation Response. An immediate response to the onset of stress limits the debilitating effects ongoing and overwhelming stress.
The strategy should be one that can be done immediately upon recognizing that the stress response is active. Deep breathing is one of the best methods for initiating the relaxation response. There is a variety of deep breathing methods that can be used in a variety of settings. Working women can develop an understanding of their needs and what works well for them.
Embrace
The third element is to embrace the belief that we “always have what we need.” Working women often function under the misconception of lack. They feel that they lack time to take care of themselves or to address their own needs. Accordingly, they make the needs and wants of their companions, children, and aging parents a priority. Because of the superwoman syndrome, working women feel guilty if they cannot meet the expectations.
We also tend to believe that support is not available when we need it. In my conversations with women, I have been told that they have not asked for help or assistance. That superwoman syndrome is a hard thing to shake. Working women must learn to ask for help. Asking for help is also an indication of self-awareness.
Requests for help should be specific. We should explain what is needed in exact terms. Requests should also have a clear time limit. Simply say “I need 15 minutes of your time.” “This should take about one hour to complete.” Finally, your request should have a clearly defined deadline.
While our actions may seem regulated by the whims of others, we have control over our time and how we use it. A working woman can communicate this to others by establishing boundaries and setting limits. Established boundaries causes others to feel safe, stable, and secure. They know what to expect. Unexpected events are handled easier because of the feeling of stability and security that is in place.
Incorporating these three elements into your plan will enable you to address your stress management needs.
Support
Take the “ISH” Out of Selfish and Put Self First guides you to build a foundation for stress relief, stress management and relaxation. This free resource is a 4-module course that comes with a downloadable 24-page workbook/journal. Because we know that your time is limited, each module is divided into segments that are less than 10 minutes long.
Follow this link to view an excerpt of Take the “ISH” Out of Selfish and Put Self First. Also, sign up to receive information regarding the release.
“I want to be happy, whole, satisfied and successful. What about you?”
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