Bump Loneliness and Holiday Blues

Loneliness Hurts

Loneliness is a heartbreaking feeling that is exacerbated by the holiday season. We are bombarded with images of the consummate, happy holiday. Those images usually include family and friends talking, laughing and enjoying their time together. There is no sadness or grief in the images. Even the holiday movies all have happy endings. Comedic holiday movies are filled with mishaps, but in the end, everything works out.

Take a few minutes and think about all the people you know who are lonely. Did you come up with a long list? Did you put yourself on the list? No one broadcasts that they are lonely during the holidays. Admitting that you are lonely is embarrassing. Fishing for an invitation to a gathering is also embarrassing. To save face, we don’t tell anyone and keep to ourselves.

Companionship Helps

Have you ever felt lonely during the holiday season? I know first-hand how excruciatingly painful the holidays can be for a single person. The pain was brought about by my unrealistic, movie-like expectations. You know the movie; girl and guy meet. Girl and guy fall in love. Girl and guy live happily ever after enjoying every holiday together. For a long time, I did not have that special guy in my life and going to holiday gatherings where everyone was coupled off only made me feel bad.

Older people also experience loneliness. Children grow up and leave home. Their friends and contemporaries pass on. Many elders spend the holidays alone. It is difficult for them to reach out. They too, may feel embarrassed by their situation.

Attitude Change Heals

A change in attitude and a desire to enjoy life helped me to get through the holidays. Here are some of the changes I made.

• Refocused Expectations: Instead of thinking of myself as deficient because I didn’t have a mate, I began to think of the freedom I had to enjoy what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted, where I wanted and with whomever I wanted. I only did what I wanted to do.
• Reached Out: I let my friends and acquaintances know that I was available and open to accepting invitations to their gatherings. I also invited others to join me for coffee or hot chocolate, Christmas tree lightings, or gift shopping. I would invite close friends over for a movie and snacks.
• Pampered Myself: I turned my apartment into a poor girl’s spa. I would spend hours taking leisurely baths, giving myself manicures and pedicures, trying makeup techniques or trying different hairstyles. I would put on my warmest pajamas, curl up with a good book and a cup of hot chocolate.
• Practiced Gratitude: I consciously replaced negative thoughts about myself or my situation with thoughts of thankfulness.
• Kindness: I started being nicer to others and myself. Offering help to others helped to get me out of my funk. I volunteered with my church by serving and delivering meals. I bought toys and gave them to kids who had little. I held doors open. I smiled and spoke to people. They smiled and spoke back.

Bump the holiday blues by seeing and acknowledging lonely feelings. The challenge for this week is below:

• Practice Kindness
• Reach Out to Others
• Take Care of Yourself
• Recognize Reasons to Be Thankful